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The fact is you're a parent now, and those children
are yours. But you're not alone (lots of parents feel the way you do),
and things can get better.
One of the nicest things about being a parent is that
you don't have to know everything. The job, like the child, grows gradually.
So take a few moments, just for yourself, and learn how to make the rewards
of parenting equal the demands.
Birth to One Year
Learn the basics
How do you bathe a baby? Or change a diaper? You can
learn! Read, ask an expert, talk to your parents and other parents.
Love your baby
Give all you've got! Talk to your baby, touch (hold,
kiss, hug), smile and enjoy! It's impossible to spoil a baby.
Discover what's what
Pay close attention to all the sounds (cooing, babbling,
gurgling, or crying) your baby makes, as well as facial expressions and
body movements. Each one means something different.
Never use physical force
The pressures of parenting are very real. You need to
find safe, satisfying ways to release them - but never on your baby.
Toddler hood
Take a deep breath
The
assault on your house, your personal belongings... this too, shall pass.
Right now, to your toddler, everything is new, exciting ... and just waiting
to be explored.
Childproof your house
Pack away your treasures and lockup dangerous or poisonous
items. You'll be more relaxed, and you won't have to say "NO"
so often.
Keep the rules simple and few
Your goal is to keep your toddler safe. Table manners
can wait and so can toilet training.
School
Age
Show interest
Check homework, talk about what's happening in school,
ask their friends over, and find time to see your children's teachers
occasionally.
Communicate
If there's a single golden rule for parents, it's this:
Talk to your children (and listen, too).
Adolescence
Refuse to get confused
Part of growing up is acting like a two-year-old and
an adult, all in the same day. Expect your teen to do this, and be prepared
to comfort, reassure and, on occasion, look the other way.
Face the facts
Your teen will probably say "I know that,"
when you talk about the facts of life, but do it anyway. As a parent,
you're the only one who can share the values that go with the facts!
Let your affection show
Cool the physical demonstrations (especially when their
friends are around), but make it loud and clear: You care!
Cut those apron strings
Old values, taught from the cradle, may fade away during
the teen years, but they come back - along with grownup children you'll
be proud to know. Trust your teens to make it all the way.
Discipline
Nothing helps your survival as a parent more than discipline.
But, to be effective, discipline must teach a child how to avoid repeating
misbehaviors and what to do instead. It should also be given in doses
that fit the age of the child and the size of the crime.
Babies are never candidates for discipline. They're
too little!
All children react better to approval and affection!
Discipline only when reasonable expectations are not
met. Define clearly, in advance, what you want them to do!
Be consistent. Whatever style of discipline you choose,
use it in every situation, even in public or when the grandparents are
visiting.
Review expectations regularly. There are no perfect
children, just as there are no perfect parents. If your children are not
meeting your expectations, the expectations probably need changing, not
the children.
Shame, rejection, withdrawal of affection, or preferential
treatment of one child over another have no place in discipline.
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