Mumbai Mirror
10 June 2008
Mumbai, India

Bringing up a child is one thing, keeping tabs on their every breath is quite another. Read on to know if you are an obsessed parent who ought to slow down
You interfere during play time
Your kid is playing cricket with a bunch from the neighbourhood when an argument breaks out whether the batsman is out or not. The kids shout, wail and use every bit of vocal strength to prove they are right. The moment you come to know of it, you immediately step in, defending your kid’s interests. However, what you don’t realise is that even these petty fights play an important role in your kid’s upbringing. This is starting point where he/she learns conflict resolution tactics with peers. He may feel sad but as long as safety is not an issue, let kiddy fights be kiddy fights.

You obsess over. What your child eats
Kids have their own quirks and you must learn to deal with them. If your kid doesn’t like Bournvita or Complan but insists on plain milk, it’s okay. If your kid doesn’t like extra toppings on the pizza and can make do without extra cheese, it’s normal. And yes, if any one day, he insists on having one less chapatti, don’t freak out. The kid is not missing out on vital nutrition. You don’t stick to everyday diet as if it’s the gospel. So why expect this of kids?

You disagree with. What they wear
You want your child to be the best and dress the best. Well, so does every other parent. But as mentioned earlier, kids have their own quirks and their understanding of fashion is far weirder than you can imagine. If your kid insists on wearing black and yellow even if you feel they look like taxi, let them! Till the time it is not outlandish, don’t interfere. So, the next time your kid feels it’s cool to wear shorts for his best friend’s birthday, don’t argue.

You interfere with Homework
Your child sits to solve his/her maths worksheet. And there you are, seated next to him/her closely monitoring every step of every arithmetic problem they solve. One wrong calculation and you bring it to their notice. The problem in this case is that in the process, you don’t give kids enough time to figure out their mistake by themselves. Hence, do not probe unless your kid asks for help and check the homework only once they are through with it. And if you feel your kid is taking too long to solve a simple problem, don’t fret. He/she is learning.

You argue with the teacher
‘XYZ is not even half as smart as my kid. Then how come he stood first in class and my kid stood second’? Is this you arguing incessantly with your kid’s teacher? If yes, stop right away. By doing this, firstly you create an unrealistic hype about what your child ought to get. Also, you are not letting your kid advocate his/her own case. You aren’t letting your kid accept failure, which is a very important aspect of growing up. If you feel you can always fix up everything that goes wrong in your child’s life, you are wrong.

You call during School hours
You keep calling up your kid throughout the day to check if they had lunch, if they submitted their homework and if they were able to get through the drama auditions. You may feel that you are ‘Being there’ for your child. But in the process, you aren’t giving then enough breathing space to be independent. Having someone keep a tab on you 24/7 can be extremely annoying, even when you are a kid.

You want to know everything
There’s a big difference in asking your kid ‘How was school?’ and getting into the nitty-gritty of the same. Don’t make your kid narrate a minute by minute account of the entire day at school. Chances are that they may not even remember. Moreover, they they start feeling as if you don’t trust them enough and hence, want to know every small detail.

You spy on your child
You keep ransacking your kid’s drawer and school bag every alternate day just to make sure it doesn’t contain anything ‘Wrong’. Unless and until you suspect drugs or something equally serious, it’s no use getting hyper over trivial issues. Doing this frequently shows that you don’t trust your child enough.

You have planned out everything
The medical and engineering sectors are booming and you feel they are the best career options for your kid. And hence, you start planning. You have decided on their college, their stream of education and the specialisation that they ought to go for. Such far fetched plan not only creates unwanted pressure on kids but also makes them feel that they don’t have the freedom to make a choice. Kids are unique individuals. Stop planning for them.