Frigidity–Breaking through “Cold” barriers
“A woman’s life is wonderful once she is married. The warmth and affection which she gets from her husband can be substituted by none other. She is now a complete woman”. Such are the stereotypes which are fed to us from the time we can comprehend the ideology of marriage. Sex, the thought of it, and the practice are either taboos or then camouflaged behind the legal stamp of marriage. One somehow always relates to the fact that a woman is always satisfied physically, even if she may be having any other problems. The truth of the matter is somewhat very different. Women are more times than none either sexually unsatisfied or then totally closed towards the idea of sex.
The word FRIGIDITY is stated in the dictionary as “Very cold” and “Without the warmth of affection”. This one word chats a detailed journey into a problem which is now being studied by professionals as one of the more dominant problems in the women of today. Frigid as a word, is only in context to women and can be categorized in the list of sexual disorders. Sexual disorders are dominantly mental, and frigidity being one, needs psychiatric therapy.
Frigidity can be brought on by various situations some of which are: lack of knowledge of sex, confusion in comprehending the truth, sexual dissatisfaction, lack of self confidence, fatigue, and monotony in the routine of the act itself. “Sex is an expression of emotions” says Dr. Superna Telang and she explains how emotions such as warmth, love and affection and lack of such are motivators in bringing on this mental disorder.
Telang has a case history to narrate. Meena and Suresh share a perfect relationship and they come across as a happy, satisfied and emotionally balanced couple, till one day when Suresh approaches his family and informs them that he can no longer stay with his wife. After a lot of cajoling and coaxing he finally confesses that in spite of having fathered two children, every time he initiates contact with his wife, she covers her face with a pillow and screams in agony. He was patient for almost 11 years and now could not put himself or her through this torture. The family suggests therapy for the couple. When the therapist analyses the case history he is perplexed at first since Suresh tells him that Meena is very responsive and even initiates the foreplay. But that is all. As soon as it comes to the consummation she changes completely and starts to yell.
Such is the case of many women. Many of them are told by their friends and colleagues that the touch of a man is wonderful and exciting, and they believe that. But when they talk to the elderly they tell them that woman’s life is painful and they always have to succumb to the wants of the male which at times could be torturous. The young woman believes that too. Now her mind has encoded this double message, so eventually she perceives it as the touch being nice, stimulating and exciting but the contact being painful and torturous. Thus leading to frigidity which is brought on by the factor of confusion in comprehending the truth of the act of sex.
Frigidity in India can be used as a factor in filing for divorce. The law states that if a woman or a man are sexually dissatisfied in consummating their marriage then it is valid ground for a divorce. Stating thus that impotence and frigidity are legitimate conditions for sexual dissatisfaction of their respective partners.
However, frigidity is not a permanent, incurable condition. Being a mental disorder it can be cured with therapy. The therapists suggest various ways in which the partners involved can help by talking, stimulating gentle touch, telling their wives that they are desirable, making them aware of their bodies and making them believe that it is perfectly fine that they do not want to have sex. “This will help the women understand that it is the emotions involved which are important and sex is one such emotion. This will eliminate in their mind the importance of the issue of sex and the compulsion of it. It will also bring forward the fact that men are sensitive and not uncaring”, says Telang.
CALPAGEAFUX, is an extreme condition of frigidity. In such a condition the women lets out so much fluid that a man can not thrust and therefore the woman feels that they have not consummated. The fluid let out being a defense mechanism, helping the woman dealing with the issue of extreme pain as she perceives it.
The cure lies in sexual awareness. A woman needs to be made more aware that the topic of sex not be treated as a taboo and be put forth as a natural emotion between a man and woman. She needs to feel confident of her sexual identity and realize the responsibility which lies within her so as to not abuse it either. All of this can be achieved if healthier relationships can be worked on between husband and wife, which in turn is picked up by their children. This would in turn translate into healthier attitudes the family which would then further permeate into society.
